Niggahz and Sigmaz

Try not to judge the bumps on my face lol...So I am coming to you blog tonight listening to Musiq's Today...I love how music has a way of reminding you how you are supposed to be in love. I mean there are so many love songs...I bet you are wondering why I called this blog Niggaz and Sigmaz...Well I am a proud member of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc. but there is this one thing about me that I dont think alot of Sigmaz are proud of...Im GAY. There it is I have dropped the bomb that created the crowd to ooh and Ahh...

There is nothing that I wouldnt do for my frat brothers, I will be there for them through thick and thin...but you wanna know something. Its hard when you dont feel tha same thing about the frat brothers that you surround yourself with. Could my wanting to do so much for them be a mask of my real wanting to feel loved as KENNY. Not as anything else...not a brother, a dude, nothing just Kenny. I dont know about if that has been happening. Every since I can remember people have always seen me as strong. But there are these weak parts about me that I cannot hide anymore! I have always put myself aside for others...doing for them because I really didnt give a fuck about what people thought about me. As long as they are happy. Why is that? What is wrong with me to the point where I cant just say Fuck off NO its about me? I wont ever be able to do that shit...ever.

There is a list of things that I have done for other relationships...but only straight dudes..
Tobias...using my room in high school to fuck Ayonna, two people very close to me but wanted each other so bad I sacrificed.

Brian..not know what to do about his lost girl Marianne...and begged me to use Cruel Intentions to get his girl back...well they are back together and no calls from Brian who is by the way my frat brother.

Lance...taking me to DC to chill wit me and going to fuck Tasha in DC leaving me in the living room to just sit there.

And theres more...

But I keep allowing this shit to happen because it seems this is the only way they will really try to get to know me. Its to a point where I am loosing who I am...and I have to put a stop to that QUICK!!!!

Ah man gotta love em

Niggahz and Sigmaz...

Gomab!

Weekend...?

So today is Friday and I am not sure how in the world that happened. I am actually reflecting on a couple things...

I am feeling a little silly today and I am not really sure why, I think that we all could afford to feel a little silly. I really want to know why sometimes things happen the way they do.

I just thought that I would share that I am feeling really silly

LOL

Love yall..

Until Next time

Madman...

KIDZ!!!!!

Ah the joys of working with teens...
Nothing like it. I have been working with this group of teens since October 2006 and I felt that we were inseparable. I mean I put in so much work and time and effort into these teens, finding them jobs, letting them ride in my damn car, eating and dropping shit everywhere...but i didnt mind because they were my kids. Started a step team traveled the east coast stepping and performing for places, fighting my boss to keep the step team and just wanting the best for them.
Shaped them to be one of the best step teams in Philly and not by any other standards of getting a trophy or anything. I mean there were no other teams in the city doing what we did. Everything was lovely until one day...

One of them decided that since we were entered in competitions that kept getting cancelled she would quit..one of our powerhouse steppers, We called her Dr. Evil, because of her plans to be a veterinarian and her some times mean spirited nature...She also felt like we were losers...Then We lost another powerhouse, Da Rapture named for her thunderous feet when she stepped. Then they started to peel off...Fan favorites like Panic Room, Revenge, Blackheart, Miss Sassy, Storm, the Joker, all gone because of 1 reason, they hated stepping. No matter what I did for them steppers they still didnt see it. But nothing compared to today...when I lost FIERCE.

FIERCE a 14 year old princess, diva, way more mature than most 14 year olds, a dymanic energy and wonderful stepper, was very little and wasnt afraid to try anything. She is turning 15 on Tuesday April 22 and everything that I worked for in her is gone, because she decides that she wants to be very very very rude to me...saying things like I cant step because I have to shop, and I have always been disrespectful, you just had to learn it this way...WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO CHILD? I am not going to allow that from you. I am not! Well she thought that I was going to let her back on because here we sat with 5 steppers of what was once a 15 member army.

Booking shows like Temple Greek Spring Fling and West Chester U. I can rebuild a team I still have 4 strong.
MAMA
FORCE
TWO-FACE &
BOOTZ

We are have auditions soon for me not to make the same mistake twice...

Letting these teens too close to my heart and being their friend...

Until next time...

MADMAN

Me and Donnie.

(Listening to Day 26 still)
So it has been a while since I have been able to get at you all about things. Something I think that you should know about me. I LOVE my freinds so so very much and every Monday we all get together and just BUG out!...I know you are asking "Well why do yall bug out on Monday's and not on the weekends?" Well the answer is very simple, EVERYONE looks forward to the weekend, and Monday has 15 cent wings on South St. It kinda helps helps us get through the Monday. One my really really good freinds DONNIE...makes me feel good about alot of things. We laugh at everything and she is very beautiful and famous and a whole lot of other things. I found that she may be a gay white man in another body. But I digress. I confided in her about something that I have been struggling with for a very long time...my weight. I mean as long as I could remember I have always been a big guy and thought that I was supposed to be because everyone I mean everyone in my family is heavy. I thought that it came with the territory of being a Jones. Ah but on the contrary. There was this thing called TV that told me, no matter what weight I was there was a supplement that could help me. I mean when I was in undergrad school at Jackson State University (Go Tigers) in Jackson Mississippi, I tried Xenadrine and we all know what that meant. LOL needless to say I stopped taking those pills. Its been about 5 years and now there was thing called ALLI...I bought it because I was convinced that something had to work, since it was all over the media as this wonder tonic...ha ha. Any way I did some research (after I bought the product) and decided to take it back because I was afraid. Last night after wing night, Donnie, My good friend, had something else in her bag. I didnt think of it until today when I decided that I might need to go and get something because I didnt spend 60 dollars for me to still be big like this. And then it hit me, Donnie is trying to lose weight quickly because this summer is coming and we got to be ready!!!

Well today is the first day of my Hydroxycut-Caffeine free plan and we will see how it goes. I love my girls to death and we gotta see how this summer will turn...here is what last summer brought...it was so much fun..until next time.
Madman

Day 1...

(Listening to jill Scott)
You know, sometimes you never think about the environment you create. I have been living in Philly for about 4 years now and wondered why I couldnt do the things that I saw on BET when I was in undergraduate school, but then it hit me, MADMAN its because you havent created that for yourself. So today I decided to come home and try a Philly thing...LOL, try not to judge me, but I came home today, emailed a couple of friends, checked some emails, added some songs to my IPOD, contemplated going to the gym, until I realized it wasnt a gym day, you gotta know your schedule like that I guess...but then my "Philly" ritual started. I lit a candle smelled the aroma, exhaled, and begun to write. Poetry to me is such and escape. I think sometimes that it was created to be that person that you always wanted...but i digress. Lately I have been in deep thought about a lot of things, nothing that I care to share right now, but if all goes well Im sure you will hear about them later. Actually today I don't feel too mad, See the purpose of creating this blog is to not be a mad man....get it. As I look at that picture on a flight to Chicago for work, I am reminded that I have done a lot of things on my own, (Song change, Got me going, Day 26), does this feed into over independence later on in life, (I kinda like that word overindependence), could my relationship future be affected by this? Im wondering, what you think!

Talk to yall soon!

Decided to...

So it has begun...

The blogging journey of a madman...Now I know that you may be asking, why a madman? I am not really a madman, but there are some situations that make me that way. As I am sure that you can relate to that. Lots of my freinds have blogspots and have turned me toward blogging about different situations. Im really a nice guy, very open-minded and conscience as well. I know my worth and wont accept anything less than that. Looking back I could think of so many times where I could have turned into a madman, a person that fell to the waywise of uneducated and crazy freinds.

I have decided to start blogging about my life and times, Everyone has a story right?, well make room for my stories, some will be boring, most will be interesting!

I guess I should start somewhere huh...well I dont really know where to start. I do have a question though...what do you do when your storm is SO SO heavy! I mean you have prayed and everything. How do u whether the storm>??

So fasten your seat belts...this could be very bumpy!